To Caregivers with LOVE, you did NOTHING wrong!

Dear Caregivers,

You have created, fostered, adopted, cared for and loved your children through their present age, and I must say you’ve done a great job doing the best you could! No matter what arises, you have created a resilient child who stands in the face of adversity and finds a way to thrive.

So let’s talk, with love. At this point your child has come out to you and you’ve cried and said “What did I do wrong?” or some other variation of thought. I am here to tell you, you did nothing wrong at all. In fact, you did everything right! Your child’s identity, whether it’s related to sexual orientation or gender, is not a negative response to something you did. It is their authentic exploration and solidification of who they are because you loved them. It is a mark of them taking their power of authenticity back and sharing with you the exploration process of who they are. You did nothing wrong!

Identifying as LGBTQ+ is not a symptom of sexual trauma, abuse, or neglect. It is a creation of a self-loving being who desires your support as they battle the negative viewpoints of this world around their identities. I want you to know that it is okay to feel your feelings around your child’s coming out. Not only is it okay, you are not the only parent who has ever experienced negative thoughts or feelings during this time. However, it is not okay for you to reject them, call them inappropriate names such as faggot, dyke, etc. and create an unsafe living environment for them. Change is hard, so when new parts of others or ourselves arise, it is our natural instinct to push back against it.   

Often times we unintentionally create emotionally traumatic experiences because this is all we know. Here is the thing, we know to love is the most powerful gift we could give anyone, and wisdom/knowledge informs how we love them.  In the upcoming Blog series, you all will experience affirming education around how to support your child, coming out, mental health discussions and much more to inform the way you love your LGBTQ+ young person. We want this blog to assist you in supporting yourself and your child through this time when you are growing and evolving alongside your child in this new experience.

To Caregivers, with Love. You did nothing wrong!

With Love,

Tia Brooks, LCSW-C